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quool quotes and damn good disses

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quool quotes and damn good disses
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Funny quotes
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I smile because I have no idea what is going on
"GURL, I GOT MORE GAME THEN A PLAYSTATION 2
I taught you everything you know but not everything I KNOW
There’s a light at the end of every tunnel…just pray it’s not a train!
The closest thing u will ever come to a brain storm is a light drizzle
I don’t need Your Attitude, I Have One Of My Own
****I'm not weird! I'm gifted****
You're only bad if you're caught... So that makes me good, RIGHT?
It’s fun before people get hurt…then it’s hilarious!!
The Next Time You Think You're Perfect, Try Walking On Water
~What a shame...looks like the ugly fairy kissed you on both cheeks! ~
Mystify people with your intelligence, and if u cant do that, mystify them with your B.S.
As an older more mature young adult your job is to...make fun of the little kids!
CLICK YOUR HEELS AND SAY, "I NEED A LIFE, I NEED A LIFE"
*.... NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF STUPID PEOPLE IN LARGE GROUPS...*
Ociffer, I swear to drunk I’m not God!!!!!!
*~*I had a dream that I still loved u...I THINK I WOKE UP SCREAMING!!!!!!
There are easier things in life than finding a good girl. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.
Ya u'd be pretty good looking if it wasn't for your face
You were my favorite mistake
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
I was having a pretty good day…till I woke up
NOT THE BRIGHTEST CRAYON IN THE BOX NOW ARE WE??
DONT LOOK AT ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE
 I don’t swim in your toilet so don’t pee in my pool
If your happy and you know it .............get out of my house
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Your village just called, their missing their idiot! *
A day without light is. Like... well... ummm. Night
If you really cared, you would leave me alone!
No officer there is no blood in my alcohol system
*If practice makes perfect, and there is no such thing as perfect, why practice
God made mountains, God made trees, God made you, but we all make mistakes!
 I'm cooler than a polar bear's toenails
Act your age and not your shoe size
Whoever said love lasts forever was drunk
SMILE! It scares people...
On the other hand, you have different fingers
Mirrors don't talk and lucky for you they don't laugh!
I went to hell, I went to heaven…oh, never mind -
That's all right, that's okay, you're going to pump my gas someday!!!!
Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
• I love this quote - do you like it? *
 Go play on the 401
Go take a long walk off a short pier
An answer to that nagging question............... I let the dogs out!!
 It's not called showing off, it's called you being mad because you can't do it!
*I may b bad but I’m perfectly good at it
I'm not smiling at you! ……. I'm trying not to laugh!
Roses are red violets are blue I'm schizophrenic and so am I!
I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing
Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
Does the noise inside my head bother you?
It's not "When Wild Animals Attack!" It's more like "When Stupid People Get Bit!"
• He who laughs last thinks slowest •
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
* A day without sunshine is like, well, night. * 
* Change is inevitable except from a vending machine. *
 I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
* When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. *
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
* Those who live by the sword... get shot by those who don't.
* I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. *
He's not dead... he's electroencephalographically challenged. *
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you. *
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. *
Honk if you love peace and quiet. *
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? *
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. *
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and Blamed it on the cost of living.
• The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
* It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them *
 You can't have everything.... where would you put it? *
 Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the World’s population *
The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by Those who go there first *
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. *
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. *
I wished the buck stopped here as I could use a few. *
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. *
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright Until you hear them speak.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
 The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
No one is listening until you fart.
Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
 If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
 Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass... then things get worse.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday...
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Disses
 
your moma is so old when she breast feeds it comes out as powder!
Yo momma so fat when she walks past window we lose four days of sun light
Yo momma's so fat she had to get baptised at sea world
Yo momma's so fat that when the whales saw her they started singing "we are family, even though your fatter than me"
Yo momma's so fat she makes free willy look like a goldfish
Yo momma's so fat that she made you look skinny
Yo mamma's so fat that she became the center of the solar system.
Yo mamma's so fat when she wore a red shirt all the kids yelled hey kool-aid
Yo Mama's so fat the army uses her panties for a parachute.
Yo Mama's so fat she makes godzilla look like an action figure
Yo momma is so fat she sat on walmart and lowered the prices.
Yo momma so fat when i tryed to walk around her i got lost.
Your momma is so big when God said let there be light, he asked her to move.
Your mama so fat she uses the ocean as a bath tub.  
Yo Momma So Fat...... A Car Crashed Into Her And She Said, "Who Threw That Rock?!"
Your momma is so fat she got in a monster truck and made it a lowrider!
Yo Mama's so fat if I put a firecracker up her ass, and it exploded she would be feeding kids in India for years.
Yo mommas so fat she took her pants to the dry cleaners and the lady said,"we don't do curtains".
Your mommas so fat she was wearing a yellow shirt and the kids thought she was a schoolbus.
Yo your moma so fat,that she had to take her passport photo by satillite.   
Yo your moma so fat that her belt size is the equater.
Yo momma's so fat She put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
Yo mamma is so fat she takes showers at carwashes.
Yo mama so fat when she died they didn't use a casket they used a mansion.
Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up 
Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo"
Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo mama so fat were in her right now
Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise
Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors
Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her...
Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world
Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy
 Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
Yo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!
Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
Yo mama so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.
Yo mama so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
Yo mama so fat she's got her own area code!
Yo mama so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!
Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth until she moved!
Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
Yo mama so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...
 Yo mama so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.
Yo mama so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
Yo mama so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side!
Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!
Yo mama so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
Yo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.
 Yo mama so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!
Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!
Yo mama so fat when she jumps for joy she gets stuck!!!
Yo mama so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
Yo mama so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!
Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!
Yo mama so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
 Yo mama so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
Yo mama so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
 Yo mama so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
Yo mama so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
Yo mama so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!
Yo mama so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
 Yo mama so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!
Yo mama so fat she got hit by a parked car!
Yo mama so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
Yo mama so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"
Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway!
 Yo mama so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
Yo mama so fat when she back up she beep.
 Yo mama so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
Yo mama so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
 Yo mama so fat she influences the tides.
Yo mama so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out.
Yo mama so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
Yo mama so fat she was baptized at Marine World.
Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!
Yo mama so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
Yo mama so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her
Yo mama so fat she stands in two time zones.
Yo mama so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.
Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.
Yo mama so fat shes on both sides of the family
Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through
Yo mama so fat when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
Yo mama so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.
Yo mama so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
Yo mama so fat she cant reach her back pocket.
Yo mama so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!
Yo mama so fat her college graduation picture was an airial.
Yo mama so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water
Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy poured out
Yo mama so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth
Yo mama so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures
Yo mama so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.
Yo mama so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
Yo mama so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose.
Yo mama so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
Yo mama so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
Yo mama so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean.....
Yo mama so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse.
Yo mama so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.
Yo mama so fat she was baptised in the ocean.
Yo mama so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.
Yo mama so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Yo mama so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
Yo mama so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!
Yo mama so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
Yo mama so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
Yo momma's so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
Yo momma's so ugly, she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo momma's so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
Yo momma's so ugly, they push her face into dough to make cookies.
Yo momma's so ugly, they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower
Yo momma's so ugly, they didn't give her a costume when she auditioned for Star Wars.
Yo momma's so ugly, instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
Yo momma's so ugly, when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
Yo momma's so ugly, her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
Yo momma's so ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her.
Yo momma's so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo momma's so ugly, they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
Yo momma's so ugly, she made an onion cry.
Yo momma's so ugly, when she went to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!
Yo momma's so ugly, when she tried to take a bath, the water jumped out!
Yo momma's so ugly, even Rice Krispies won't talk to her! Yo momma's so ugly, on Halloween the kids trick or treat her by phone!
Yo momma's so ugly, she turned Medusa to stone!
Yo momma's so ugly, people go as her to Halloween parties.
Yo momma's so ugly, I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo momma's so ugly, that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

 

 

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